I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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