Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
