I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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