What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
