Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
