a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
