awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
