Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
