So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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