2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
