You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
