i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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