Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
