Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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