Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So. Much. Porn.
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