I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
