I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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