i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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