Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
