let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
