I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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