she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
