I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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