he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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