I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
