your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
