So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
