You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
