I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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