i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
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Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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