he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
