Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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