Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
