I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
