The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
