I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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