I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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