I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Randomize
