I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
