Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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