No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
