Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
