So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
