Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
I looked at my own cervix.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i will never coherently bang her
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.