I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I spit up blood this morning
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He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
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He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature