You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.