you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
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He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?