SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂