Nicole vs. Life
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.