dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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