I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
