Christians are straight up FREAKS
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
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