i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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