I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
