If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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