I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
