So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
