I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
