I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
