You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
