after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
