I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Hippo gnu deer
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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