i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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