I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
