she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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