also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
