my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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