Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
