If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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