I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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