Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
