does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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