my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
