Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
